From A Distance
by diabolique
Summary: A one-shot fic from Tasuki's POV. It's a wierd one-sided pairing of Tasuki and Houki. I know it's unusual but what can I say. My mind works in wierd ways. Implied Tasuki-Nuriko. Rated pg13 for language.
1. Tasuki's POV

This story came to me in class while pondering the whole class system factor during the olden times. It may not be a great idea but it's been rattling around in my head for a while and so, I'm finally going to get it out. This story will be a one-shot and reviews are welcome if anyone feels like it (I'm extremely lazy myself, so I really appreciate the effort when a person does review.) Anyway, here it goes. The story is in Tasuki's voice. I've done my best and taken into consideration the fact that Tasuki did apparently have feelings for Nuriko but never got to acknowledge them. Let me know what you guys think…

Disclaimer: - I do not own any of these characters. That puts me in a bad mood. It's not a good idea to try and sue me when I'm in a bad mood…

From A Distance

I'm wandering around in the friggin' gardens again. I really dunno how I do it, but I always manage to get lost somewhere between the palace and this huge scary-ass lake. It's getting to be a regular habit with me. Been wandering here for hours. I've been plannin' to go round to the lake again but I know if I do, I'll end up seeing her again. It's the oddest thing how one little woman can cause me ta think so much in the space of a minute. No wonder I don't really like women… they're all a pain in the ass. And this one's no better. She makes my head hurt, and my heart…

I still remember the first time I saw her. Shit, for a second I thought that he had come back to us! There we were all covered with muck and grime from our journey and there he was, dressed in the imperial robes like the weird-ass cross-dresser that he was. I woulda hugged him but I think I caught on to the expression just before. That's when it actually hit me that it wasn't him who was standing there with so much astonishment and innocence in those large eyes. I had been hopin' so badly that Suzaku would perform some sorta miracle and reunite all of us again, but I guess he's gone for good. We couldn't even bring his body back so that we could put flowers on his grave. Not that it woulda made a fuckin' difference anyway – dead is dead and that's that. I hadn't realised how badly I was grieving until I saw her touch Hotohori.

I almost saw red then. Not only had she gone and stolen Nuriko's face but she had dared to take the one man we all know that he loved! She was some sort of horrible imposter even though Hoto kept telling us that he thought that Nuriko had sent her. What shit! Nuriko would have come himself if he knew that it was possible! He coulda come back as a woman if he'd wanted too, the weird psycho! He would never have sent some stupid woman to try and take his place, no matter how much she looked like him. I wanted to claw her face off with my bare hands to prevent her from ruining his memory for me! She was too weak to ever measure up to him, too dull to ever shine as bright. I had taken a step forward before I'd known it. Thank Suzaku for Chiri that day. If he hadn't held me back, I don' wanna think what I mighta done.

We left soon after anyway. No call to stay pampered in a palace when there's blood flowing outside the gates. Suzaku was sealed and we knew we were ridin' inta hell when we left. The chances of us surviving against Kutou's huge fucking army were a million ta one. I kinda like odds like that. When you're goin' down, ya might as well go down in a huge fuckin' blaze of glory! And I was planning to take a hell of a lotta bad guys with me. Who woulda thought that at the end of it all we'd win? I sure as hell didn't! Miaka managed too get Yui to unseal Suzaku and we defeated that crazy blue-eyed bastard one and for all. But not before we lost more of our own. I felt it each time, that horrible aching pain when the part of your soul that comes from your brothers is torn outta you. First Hoto, then Mitsukake… I was so friggin scared that Chiri would be next an' I'd end up all alone. I knew by then that Tama would be alright. But he'd end up with Miaka, not with us. We'd all accepted that ages ago. But Chiri had promised me he'd stay with me. He was all I had left.

The first thing we saw when we headed back to the palace was the empress, running around in those damned robes. I wanted ta scream at her that she had no right ta wear silk when her people were lying dyin' at her feet. The rage almost blinded me to the point where I coulda missed the blood stains on her robes. But I didn't miss the tears she was crying when she helped an old man drink water. The old geezer was dying an' she knew it. Wasn't no way that she coulda saved him. But she still brought him water and cried by his side. I saw Nuri in her then. The same gentle eyes, the same strength to keep going until the end. An' I was gonna have to show her the body of her husband…

She ended up takin it much better than I expected. No silent recriminations, no screamin' foul abuse although the shit that came outta my mouth when describing the battle was more than enough. She just cried a bit an then got up to help another guy. I woulda thought her cold if I hadn't seen those eyes flash with pain. It was the first time I saw her as Houki and not just an empress or a reminder of my seishi brother. And it was the first time that she didn't fall short. She was tryin to be strong for everyone cause she was all the people had left until the baby came. So much death around that people need ta look to life. And the life she carried was hope for the future.

She brought up that boy just fine although she was so frickin' scared of doin' it on her own. Kept beggin Chiri an me to stay. Chiri agreed to stay for a while but I had ta think about the boss's wishes and the guys waitin' for me. So I packed my bags an' left. And each step away I could feel something pulling me back. Took me a lot of sake and two nights back at Reikaku to realize that my duty hadn't ended with the war. Houki needed us now that she didn't have Hoto, an the guys were doin fine without me. I talked it over with Kouji an' he was as smart as ever cause he told me that he'd seen it comin the moment we'd gotten back. Then he shoved a loada sake down my throat so that my head would ache like the fuckin depths of hell on my way back. He's got his own methods of revenge, Kouji does.

I was worried about her reaction when I got back but she just smiled at me and said that everything would be okay. Strange how I believed her. Maybe it's the face or something but that positive attitude seems ta have passed on to Houki from Nuriko. An she made everything okay again. Gave birth to a fine baby boy an named him Boushin. Made Chiri an me the official godparents and everything. She's been bringing him up right, teaching him what's right an wrong. She says that whatever Chiri does is right an whatever I do is wrong. That seems to really amuse Chiri, the stupid fucker. I'd flame him but Houki gets upset when I char the stupid walls. Too bad, Chiri's startin ta get a little flabby an some action might keep him on his feet. But does Houki listen to my reasoning? Nope!

I don' really remember when she became more than just another person ta me. It was like one day she's just this woman I see and Hoto's wife and the next, she's Houki and I wished I could make her mine. Maybe it's just feelings getting passed on. I mean, I never got up the friggin' guts to tell Nuri how I felt about him. Not that it woulda mattered anyway seein' how he was so in love with Hoto an all. An' Houki's the same. I can still hear her callin out "Heika!" at night an the next day her eyes would be all red and all from crying. It's sad that Chiri an I can't help with that. I wanta be the one to help but I don't think she'd ever look at me like that. At the end of the day, she's still an empress an I'm still a bandit an that's just the way it's gotta be. The empress of Konan could never love a bandit from Reikaku. 

So I guess this is another time when I gotta keep my mouth shut. It's crazy how both of them are so alike in certain ways. All the way down to my loving them and never telling. But I guess I'll walk towards the fuckin lake an see if I can watch her from the distance. She'll look up at the stars and remember Hotohori and I'll look up at the stars an see Nuri smiling down on the gift he sent us. Too bad it wasn't my name on the package…

So, what did you guys think? I know it's an odd pairing but I like it, so help me God. Reviews are welcome as is constructive criticism. If I've mucked up anything, drop me a line and I'll change it. Please keep in mind that I've only seen the series up until Tamahome is reborn into Miaka's world. The rest of my information is gleaned from the fan fiction I read. Let me know if there's something I should have added. I haven't included Tasuki's love for Miaka because it would be inconvenient and I never saw it in the series. Thank you for reading.

I remain as ever,

Diabolique.


	2. Author's note of thanks

   This is basically to say thanks to everyone who reviewed. Vanilla Fox, I'm sorry but I won't be able to continue this story. As much as I like the pairing, I just can't see it going anywhere. But I do have another story going right now, and I have a couple of ideas for about 2 more. Besides, despite everything, it's pretty obvious that Tasuki hasn't gotten over Nuriko. Big thanks to da*mouse, silver celeste, Hydra-Star and methodic madness for the great reviews. It's support like this that keeps me writing (I'm putting the blame firmly where it belongs). Houjin Sama, I'm so glad that you enjoyed the pairing. I thought I was crazy in the beginning, but the idea kept nagging at me until I wrote it out. Reina, I'm really sorry but my min'd made up. I'm thrilled that you liked the fic enough to review twice – it made my day! Anyway, thanks so much you guys, I really didn't think anyone would approve of or read this pairing. 

As always I remain,

 Diabolique.


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